So, I’ve embarked on a PhD. My intention is to document my process as I think it will be quite cathartic.
The research explores the paradoxical nature of suicide, proposing that suicidality cannot be understood solely as a clinical pathology but must also be examined as an expression of the human condition. Suicide remains the leading cause of death for men under the age of 50 in the United Kingdom, constituting a significant public health crisis that continues to be compounded by stigma and silence. At its core, suicide exposes the raw edges of human existence, confronting us with our capacity for both creation and destruction, love and violence, survival and surrender.
I will be exploring this by using my painting as a methodology. This is very personal to me and as a lived experience expert, I will bring a unique perspective shaped by over two decades of living with Bipolar Disorder 1, as well as diagnoses of Puerperal Psychosis, Anorexia and Complex PTSD. I don’t tell people my private information for fear of being judged, to be seen as different in a negative way, and to be seen as the illness before the person. This means I am myself adding to the stigma of mental health, and unless we break down stigma very little will change. I hope in the weeks and years ahead my paintings will also do this.